You Can’t Half An Egg: An Anorexic Diet

An Anorexic Diet - Header

This might sound like the strangest thing to say in the world, in fact you may actually think that I’m being foolish even believing it, but honestly, consciously putting on weight feels virtually impossible. Well at least in a sustainable way. We all hear people talk about how they’ve over indulged, how they’ve put on a few extra pounds, eaten a few too many chocolates in the run up to Christmas, Easter, or had a few too many takeaways recently. How it’s easy to put on weight, after all, a moment on the lips = a lifetime on the hips! But these are all subconscious acts. Essentially just over grazing through availability rather than a fundamental effort to increase weight. Actively eating more food is hard. Our body is designed to eat what it needs, when it needs. So to unnaturally force extra food into your body, is to actually start a war with your brain. To want to put on weight feels like a fight with your own natural evolution.

Now of course, you could simply eat a packet of chocolate chip biscuits as desert to a curry, pizza or Chinese every night. Or start the day with left over burger and chips and you’ll soon pile on the pounds. But that’s neither healthy or sustainable long term. And when you have anorexia, it’s not a mentally sound approach either.

Biscuits - The Anorexic Diet

Let’s start by getting some things out into the open now.

  1. I have anorexia
  2. I want to recover

However, I don’t want to put on weight. To simply put on weight, to binge biscuits, to order daily pizza, is not to recover. All that would happen if I did is that I would end up a “healthy” BMI with an anorexic brain. It would still rule my life and most likely, force control back onto food until I lost the weight and gave back in to it.

Being anorexic you take an enlarged interest into diets, levels of fats, sugar, salt and calories. Traffic lights conjure up images of food packages not road junctions and dietary opinions are cemented through naivety and uneducated readings. Something which isn’t helped by the constant, almost daily disagreement from scientists, food specialists and the media as to why one food is better than another, why this one diet helps more than that, and why whole food groups are good, bad, or downright deadly. In fact, if you spend a few minutes reading articles and books about food, you will become so confused as to how you should eat and in what quantity, that simply surviving healthily from day to day becomes a nightmare, let alone trying to put on weight in this diet propagandised world.

Food Traffic Lights - The Anorexic Diet

Unlike clinical trials, random sample testing and laboratory studies, all I know about food comes from torturing my own body in the search of mental control and ill perceived perfection. I don’t have a science degree, or data to back me up; aside from the greatest evidence of all; my own body. I’ve “lived” off less than 1,000 calories a day. I’ve cut dairy, carbohydrates and fats from my life. I’ve refused to eat potatoes, gluten or sugar and I’ve even been through a phase of binging on biscuits, chocolate and pasta ready meals. I’ve lived off microwave mixed vegetables for breakfast and even known the shame of licking the last crumb of a salad leaf off my plate, my body desperately longing for every last ounce of food available no matter how small. Yet here I am, still weighing 30% less than I should, still letting a bully I once believed to be my friend rule my life.

But not for much longer…

Posted on by 5WC in Anorexia First Edition

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