My Worst 5 Films: Film Review 2014, Part 1

Worse Films 2014 - Header

It’s the start of a new year, and as people wake up head’s pounding as the hangover of another anticlimactic party looms large, it seems the perfect time opportunity to look back over the 150 odd films I watched last year and give you my pick of the worse cinematic offerings to grace my life.

1. A Field In England

I still to this day have absolutely no idea what this film was about. Nothing was ever explained, no reason, action, or back story ever presented and all this combined to leave me with no real idea as to why the events unfolding as they were. It’s only got about 5 cast members in the entire thing and it set in one large green field and that’s all it gives.

It was just a bizarre and strange journey into absolute silliness. Almost as if the ludicrousness of trying to create a film in such a confined setting eventually drove cast and crew mad. And when a drug induced Bennie Hill sketch appeared, it lost me completely.

2. Ultramarines: A Warhammer 40,000 Movie

I wached this purely because I have a passing interest in the Warhammer 40,000 world and game on which it is based. But sadly, even as somebody who know a little about that environment, characters and structure, it left me totally cold.

The characters are never expanded, motives never justified and because everybody essentially looks the same, referring to them with long, convoluted names meant it became almost impossible to tell who was who. Which was such a shame, because the voice cast is an impressive list of who’s who.

3. Certified Copy

I detest this film and everything it stands for. Honestly, it’s just 2 people confusingly arguing about nothing that will ever define the future of the human race for two hours. This is the cinematic equivalent of watching paint dry. There’s no reason not too, but never will there be a good reason to either.

The longer this went on, the more I truly hated it. The characters just whine and moan, poking and prodding each other, over and over, feeling more like they were doing it simply to get a reaction than for any plausible debate. And it’s plot twisted two incompatible characters through an arc that would need more reviewing than one man’s lifespan to make sense of.

4. On The Road

I remember watching this purely on the basis that Kristen Stewart was in the cast and that I thought she had a larger role than she did. Instead I ended up being treated to a film that spent it’s entire running time mumbling it’s way through a dialogue that I couldn’t hear and bringing to life a character number of characters that just seem too dislikeable and far-fetched to be entertaining.

And when you then take characters that you really don’t want to spend time with an through them through a plot that jumps from scene to scene, time frame to time frame without stopping for breath of it appeared, thought for a narrative and you end up with a disaster of a film that is beyond salvaging.

5. Tracks

I was never really drawn to Tracks, it was more a case of a way to pass an evening. But sadly, rather than go to my local cinema, I should have stayed at home and raided the DVD collection. Mia Wasikowska just wasn’t believable. Rather than appearing as an experience and talented camel herder trekking the Australian outback, she came across as an actress trying her hand at animal husbandry while looking forward to the hot shower and comfy bed back at the hotel.

The really sad part about Tracks was that, the trailer rolls over captioned photography that was used as the source material for the story, and you honestly felt a documentary truthfully looking at those pictures, rather than an attempt to bring them to life, would be far, far more interesting.

So there we have it, the 5 worse movies that I saw during 2014. Come back later for part 2, the 5 best films of 2014…

Posted on by 5WC in Film, Opinion First Edition

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